thisgenderedlife:

This morning, I woke up to Facebook message from my father that essentially stated he does not believe the word marriage should be applied to “same-sex” unions. From what I could gather, he thinks that the phrase civil union is appropriate enough.  He also doesn’t understand why the queer community is so adamant about “redefining” marriage.  So I’ve decided to organize my thoughts in a coherent, cohesive, concise collection (hello, alliteration!) in order to better explain the plight of the queer community, and our quest for full equality.

What is the definition of marriage?

Well, it depends on two factors:  when are we talking about, and who are we asking.

1. When - Historically, marriage has included a number of things, and has excluded others.  Marriage used to involve a man approaching a woman’s family and asking for her to be his wife.  That’s right—the woman’s opinion, desires, or wants were completely disregarded.  If her family was willing, and the man was considered suitable (to the family, not the woman), she was sent off to be married.  It wasn’t very long ago that this kind of marriage was practiced.  In fact, it is still common for a man to ask for the family’s (read: father’s) permission to marry a woman.  But if you go back even further into history,  marriages used to include a dowry; the money, goods, or estate that a woman brings to a marriage.  So marriage used to be defined as the ownership of a woman based upon an agreement between a man and the woman’s family, and included a dowry consisting of anything from animals to property to money.
2. Who - According to the United States Government, “the word ‘marriage’ means only a legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife, and the word ‘spouse’ refers only to a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife,” (United States Code Chapter 115, Title 28, Section 3a-7).  This definition did not exist in the United States Code prior to 1996, when the 104th Congress of the United States passed a Code amendment on January 3, 1996.  There are far too many people who will also say that the Bible (or other holy book, deity, or practitioner) also defines marriage as one man and one woman, but those references are irrelevant due to the United States Constitution and the separation of church and State.

Marriage affords the individuals involved 1,138 statutory provisions on the federal level alone.  These provisions determine rights, benefits, and privileges such as joint parenting rights, domestic violence intervention, next-of-kin status, funeral and bereavement leave, Medicaid, and spousal sponsorship for immigration.  It is the legal language that determines access to these provisions, and the legal term is marriage.

What is a civil union?

In the United States,  civil unions allow limited access to spousal rights, and laws allowing civil unions are passed legislatively on a state-by-state basis.  Though the union is recognized by the individual state, it is not recognized by ALL states.  Therefore, a “same-sex” couple civilly united in the state of Illinois (where civil unions are legal and afford couples many of the state’s marriage rights) is not guaranteed recognition in Texas, where “same-sex” unions, partnerships, and marriages are banned.  

Though some states with civil unions have nearly identical provisions for civil unions and marriages, the United States Government does not recognize those provisions on the federal level.  Civil unions, though a step in the right direction, are not equal to marriage.

Why do you keep putting same-sex in quotations?

Same-sex marriages and marriage equality may seem like an argument of semantics, but it’s really not.  Sex is a socially-constructed binary classification based on biological manifestations of genitalia, and is not inclusive of all persons who seek access to marriage.  It’s a restrictive labeling device that excludes persons who are intersex, among other groups who do not neatly fit into the categories of male and female.  Because intersex individuals and non-binary individuals are also restricted by the language used to define legal marriage, “same-sex” marriage still restricts their access to marriage rights, benefits, and privileges.  Marriage equality includes all groups of people, regardless of their sex and/or gender.  And that is what the argument is (or should be) about.  Equality.

In closing…

The fight for equal access to rights, benefits, and privileges is as much about access as it is about terminology.  The word marriage is vital, because that is the legal term to which those rights are bound.  Without the word, there is no equality.  And an argument proposing the use of any other word or phrase is an argument against equality.  The definition of marriage and the practice of marriage have changed so much over the course of human history, it baffles me that people argue about changing the meaning of marriage.  Marriage is a dynamic concept—it changes (and has changed) with society.  We have adapted to change before, why can’t we adapt now?

puh motherfucking reach guuuuuuuuurl